My Diary – October 2007

Friday 26th October 2007

It’s been quite a quiet week this week, well very quiet actually.

I had my eyebrows waxed on Tuesday. I don’t have any special events to go to that they needed to be done for. I was just looking a bit too hairy for my liking! I also did some baking with my PA in the afternoon.

Evelyn and my ex teachers, Pam, Yvonne and Cherry, came round on Wednesday. We ate lots of cake and biscuits and gossiped. No change there then…

I sent the final update for my autobiography to my editor on Thursday. I know I’ve probably said that several times before, but it really is the final update. Whatever isn’t written, or whoever isn’t mentioned, isn’t going in! I just sit back now and wait until January! I’m actually getting quite scared. I remember when it was nine months away, now it’s only 75 days to go!

So that’s my week…boring! Sorry to disappoint you! Hopefully more news next week.

Love Nicole xxx

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Friday 19th October 2007

I saw my doctor at the haemophilia clinic on Monday. He said I didn’t have to see him again – woohoo! It’s been two months since I stopped the anti-clotting injections, and I’ve finally started to relax and not worry as much that I’ll develop another blood clot. I only have to start having the injections again under certain circumstances like if I’m in an accident, have an operation or am bedbound in hospital for a while, so I’m going to try and avoid those situations.

I was back at the Marsden on Wednesday. I had to sign the form to say I agree to have radiotherapy. I have to go back in a couple of week’s time to have a mould of my teeth done. I’ll have to wear it each time I have the treatment and a bar will be connected to it and screwed onto the table so that I lay still. It’s a bit hard to explain, but I don’t think it’s as bad as it sounds. I’ll take a photo of it when I start having the treatment, so you can see what I’m talking about. The day after the mould I’m having a CT and MRI scan. They plan the radiotherapy to the exact size of the tumour so that it kills just the bad cells. It will take about two weeks to plan everything, but I’m due to start radiotherapy on the 21st November. I’ve worked it out that I should finish the first week in January, and I get to have Christmas Day off! I’m glad I finally have a date now and that I can plan things round my treatment. There aren’t too many side effects to the radiotherapy. I’ll mainly just feel tired, and there might be a tiny bit of hair loss, but it probably won’t be noticeable. The bad side effects are rare. I best prepare myself for those ones then!

It was an early start on Thursday. I was on the judging panel again to pick this year’s winners for the Philip Lawrence Awards. Sir Trevor McDonald, The Duchess of Kent, Frances Lawrence and some other past winners were also there. Demelza were supposed to take me, but as with the sifting weekend in Birmingham a few weeks ago, they let me down at the last minute and said they couldn’t take me, so I was quite upset and stressed that I wasn’t going to be able to go. Luckily my good friend Simon said he’d take me. He picked me and Mum up at 7am. I was quite tired because I had been up until 12.30am reading through the different projects, and picking my top ten out of the nineteen nominations. I soon woke up in the car though when Simon told me some scary true stories about escaped psychopaths! There was bad traffic as usual in London so we were 40 minutes late…again! I was late last year too. We discussed the projects, and some people liked some, but others didn’t, so there was a lot of debating. We picked ten winners in the end. Seven of my top ten were picked, so I was pleased with the result. We finished the judging just after 12pm, and we chatted for a while. I spoke to a girl on the panel who was one of last year’s winners. I’d voted for her project to go through because I liked it, so it was nice to meet her.

Then I met Margaret and Naomi, my publisher and editor. Their office isn’t too far away from where I was, so we arranged to meet. I have an uncorrected advance proof copy of my book. It has a sexy plain pink cover on it, and is 100 pages shorter than the actual book, but it’s still great to hold it. This is what gets sent to celebrities, newspapers etc to get some quotes. The release date for my book has been brought forward to the 8th January, so it really isn’t long now to go – 81 days!

We left London at about 2.30pm, and went to Orpington in Kent before we came home. Simon sells British theatre memorabilia, and he was doing a bit of business there. If anyone reading this is into that kind of memorabilia, Simon’s website is: www.c20th.com

We got home just after 6pm, so it was quite a long day. I felt a bit rubbish by the time we got back. Guess what… I have another infection! I’m getting a bit fed up with them now. I’m back on antibiotics.

I have another one of my favours to ask please. One of the ‘Pals’ on: www.postpals.co.uk has relapsed from his cancer, and there’s nothing else that can be done for him, apart from make him comfortable. Please if you have five minutes write him a letter, or send him an email. His name is Jack B, and he’s seven years old. His page on Post Pals is: http://postpals.co.uk/pals/Jack+B Thank you.

Thank you to everyone who has been signing my guest book. It’s nice to hear from people who have been reading my diary for a long time, but have never signed before. This is a message to Tiffany who signed my GB this week – if you want any help then email me. I can’t reply to your message because I don’t have your email address, but I’m happy to give you some advice if you want it. My email address is at the bottom of the homepage.

I have the biggest thank you to say to Viks from Post Pals for getting most of my guest book messages back! They’re not in the guest book, but I have them in an email and it’s great to read them again. July to September this year aren’t there, but the most important ones from my ‘chemo days’ are there, so I’m really happy! So is Evelyn because she is now forgiven! I don’t know how Viks got them back, but I’m so glad she managed to! I’d still like you to sign the guest book though before you leave! Thanks!

Love Nicole xxx

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Saturday 13th October 2007

I went out last Saturday night to the Four Fathoms pub in Herne Bay to see my friend, Dan, dj-ing. He’s been doing a tour of pubs and clubs in Herne Bay over the last month to raise money for The Silver Lining Appeal. I went with my new P.A., Megan, who is actually my cousin, her boyfriend, Levi, and her friend, Raisa. The music wasn’t too loud, so I could just about hear everyone. I had three drinks, and only bought one of them. Now that’s what I call a good night!

I had my hair cut on Tuesday! It was actually just a trim. It was horrible hearing my hair being cut off, but Mum said there was hardly any hair on the floor. I think I’m going to keep it short for the moment. I’ve done a bit of a survey with friends and family to ask their opinion, and they’ve all said keep it short. So for the meantime that’s how it’s going to be. It’s really curly too!

I went to The Royal Marsden Hospital on Wednesday to speak to a radiographer. I left feeling really confused again. When we first got there, the plan was that I was going to have radiotherapy on both my ears in Chelsea. Two hours and a hearing test later I’m having radiotherapy on one ear in Surrey!

We spoke to Frank who is the radiographer. He remembered me from my radiotherapy seven years ago, but I didn’t remember him. He had been speaking to Prof Brada, who is a top specialist and also dealt with my first lot of radiotherapy. They had agreed that I should have both ears done, and that a hospital in Chelsea, where Prof Brada works, would be the best place. Frank then sent me for a hearing test and the results showed I’m practically deaf in my left ear. Out of the four parts of the ear, I’m deaf in three parts, verging on four. To be honest, I wasn’t really concentrating during the test because it was too hot in the room, and I was getting stressed and just wanted to go home. I could have lost a couple of points because of that, but nothing that would make a great difference. After the test we went back to the children’s ward to speak to Frank. He read the results and called Prof Brada again. He then came back and said they’ve agreed to do radiotherapy on the good ear now to prevent any damage, and that I could be treated as a child at the Marsden. I would be treated as an adult if I went to Chelsea. I hate this child/adult thing! Anyway, it’s still not sorted. I’m back at The Royal Marsden next week to speak to Frank again. I think I’m definitely having radiotherapy, I just don’t know when. We finally left the hospital at 4.15pm. It felt like a really long day and I just couldn’t wait to get home.

Thursday was a year since I started my chemo. I can’t believe that. It feels just like yesterday that I had my Hickman line put in. I’ve been in remission again now for eight months. Long may it continue…!

I went shopping at Westwood Cross again on Friday. I’ve been looking for a designer purse for ages now, and I managed to finally find one. It’s a pink leather Morgan one, and I really like it - I can’t stop sniffing the leather! I saw some lovely Radley purses, and Radley handbags. (For those that don’t know, it’s a Scottie dog design, and very cute.) They’re really expensive, so I went with the Morgan purse! It’s still nice though. I also got a Christmas present! Well, it’s only 73 days until Christmas, and I need to be really prepared this year because I don’t know when my radiotherapy is going to start. I’m still adamant though that we’re putting our Christmas tree up on the 1st December. I can’t wait!

I know I ask this most weeks, but PLEASE SIGN THE GUEST BOOK. I’ve lost all my old guest book messages. Because of those bloody spammers, Evelyn’s son blocked the word http from being posted. Some people were having trouble posting messages because they didn’t know they couldn’t post website addresses starting with http. I asked Evelyn to put a message at the top of the guest book explaining this, but she lost the messages while she was doing it. To say I’m absolutely gutted to the point of wanting to cry is the biggest understatement in the entire universe! More of an understatement than, I’m a bit stroppy, and I love chips! I had over 850 messages in there from all over the world, including Orlando Bloom’s Mum and Poulo Nutini’s drummer. I’ll miss all the messages I got while I was on chemo. If I was ever having a ‘down day’ it cheered me up to read through my guest book. I could have done with reading it after I found out, but of course it wasn’t there! Evelyn did manage to retrieve the messages from March – June last year, because they were saved on my computer, but after that they’ve disappeared! So please sign the guest book before you leave today, so I can look popular again and cheer myself up! Thank you! Plus, how quickly I forgive Evelyn all depends on the number of messages I get! Fingers crossed E…

Love Nicole xxx

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Friday 5th October 2007

I got my scan results on Monday, and everything is ok. The thing I didn’t want to mention until it was checked was that they had thought that my cancer might have spread to my brain, but it hasn’t thankfully. It just looked different on the scan because it was done at Kent & Canterbury hospital, and it’s usually done at the Marsden. My scan pictures are complicated to look at anyway because of all the damage that’s been done over the years, and I have scar tissue from my brain haemorrhage, so that’s why they were a bit worried. I was worried too because I’ve been getting headaches a lot recently. My oncologist basically said to stop worrying, and that it’s normal for what my body has gone through. I think it’s down to stress too, but I can relax now that I know the results. My tumours on my spine are also stable, which is really good news. As for the radiotherapy for the tumours in my ears, I’m going to see a radiographer next week to discuss it. There are pros and cons, so we have to think about it carefully. It’s my decision at the end of the day, and I can choose to go ahead with it or not, but I already know the answer. I don’t think anything will be done too soon though, as it’s not urgent because the tumours are slow growing.

I went through my ‘Post Pals’ box on Tuesday with my new P.A., Megan. I didn’t realise how much post I’ve actually been sent during the eighteen months I’ve been a ‘Pal’. I think it took us about four hours to read through, and even then we didn’t read everything. If you’re new to my website, and haven’t heard me talk about ‘Post Pals’ before, check out: www.postpals.co.uk

I went to the dentist on Wednesday, and surprisingly no fillings! I had my tooth filed a bit though because I felt it was too long. It’s the tooth I had a brace on, and it felt too long. Plus I grind my other front tooth, and I was paranoid I had uneven teeth! I asked if they were white enough as a joke, which they are, but my dentist gave them a polish anyway just to make them better. After that Mum and I went up Whitstable High Street. I wanted to get new material to cover my wheelchair, and found some shocking pink material with white spots. We got small white spots for the arms of my chair, and the same material but with bigger spots for the cushion I sit on and the one for my back. You won’t be able to miss me! I suggested putting fluff and pompoms on the chair as well, but Mum seems to think that would look tacky. I’m now working on big ostrich feathers…

Now you all know my mother is immature at times, and sometimes it’s funny, but other times it’s not. After I had got my material, Mum asked if I wanted to go to the butcher’s to get something to eat, and I said yes. We then went into a shop and Mum said, “Smell”. I expected to take in the nice aroma of hot sausage rolls and pastries. Instead I was hit with a foosty old lady smell. Where were we? A bloody charity shop! Oh, if looks could kill. I was not impressed. Meanwhile Mum thought it was hilarious watching me have a hissy fit in the middle of the shop. I’m all for charity work as you know, and giving things to charity shops, I just don’t want to be seen in one. I told her to put me in a corner out of the way, but no. She put me in the window in full view of everyone, and left me there while I scowled at her, then a flippin’ bus went past, and stopped outside at the bus stop! She didn’t even buy anything in the shop! We left as fast as I could get out of there, and finally got to the butcher’s. When we came out we went to Woolworths. I know that when you come out of Woolworths you turn right for the zebra crossing to go home, or left to another charity shop. Mum was firmly told to turn right, so what way did she go? Left! She said I could stay outside the shop. I asked if I could stay outside Woolworths instead. I tried pulling my brakes on to stop her pushing me, but then realised I would be half way in the door of the shop on view, so I let her push me in. She didn’t bloody buy anything again. I swear (well I was swearing) she was doing it to wind me up. She was ordered back to the car after that and we finally came home. I’m never going shopping with her again!

That night when I took my sock off, my toe was really sore. I thought I’d broken it! It was painful to touch and a bit wobbly. Mum checked it, but it was a normal colour and nothing seemed wrong with it. The next morning though the bone was sticking up a bit! It was still sore and I was convinced that I’d broken the bone, and it had then set in a funny position. The only thing I can think I’d done to it was in the afternoon when I was trying on a pair of boots. As usual I had trouble getting them on, so was getting quite p’eed off with them. I was stamping my foot in it to try and get it on, but I still couldn’t. I saw a pain control nurse from the Pilgrims Hospice in Canterbury yesterday (Thursday) afternoon, so I got her to have a look at it. The toe was a bit swollen, but she didn’t think it was broken. She came because now that I’m an ‘adult’, I need to go to different places, and my new local doctor referred me to the Pilgrims Hospice. It’s the adult equivalent of Demelza. I’m going to go there soon for some reflexology and maybe hypnotherapy for my needle phobia.

It should be a quiet week next week, but you never know with me. Anything could happen!

Love Nicole xxx